Thursday, February 23, 2006
sometimes i do wonder, who actually understands me the most.. all along i've been thinking that my family would understand me most.. but looks like i'm wrong.. now i recall back, when is there a time where they would sit down together, and talk to me peacefully, quietly.. when is there a time where they would ask me about what i'm doing, what are my dreams in life..!!!
there're none actually..
the way i communicate and tell them about what i want or do is through quarrelling or shouting.. even by doing that, the words don't last more than 3 days in their mind.. i ever wonder does they know what exactly am i doing or what am i actually thinking sometimes.. i don't think there's even ONE minute where they do shut up and listen to me.. i hate the interruption all the times..
all they think is STUDY STUDY STUDY and after graduation, go army, after army.. come out, take off your pants, face the society to get fucked by all shit bosses outside..!!! do they really know that i don't want to work in that damn marine life forever..?!?!?? i don't want to indeed..!!!
i had my dreams i wanted to go for, but is 19 years old too young for a dream?? is 19 years old still a small kid who can't have his damn freedom to go for whatever shit he wants..?!?!? i'm already half-way persuing my dream, the engine has already started off.. if i gave up now, everything would be gone, giving up is easy, you don't even need a minute to decide to give up.. but i've been fighting all way long just to get this "fighting engine" start..!!
i wanted to earn my OWN first $3000 at the age of 18, looking at how shi yuan and alvin actually did to persue his dream and set up his skating club at 17, i was pretty impressed and it proves it's not impossible at all..!! if she thinks that everyday all i want to is get her Toyota Corolla and drive out, she's so so so so wrong actually.. does she think i give a fuck about that Corolla?? it's basically just a test piece for me since my driving license.. i don't even care about how bad i and the car can end up after an accident..
the cheapest car i'm gonna own in my life is a Honda Integra for i swear.. i know i can do it.. as long as i can persist on.. and anyway, if i give up now, i think that they'll look down on me instead of feeling happy that i actually quit working..
who dares to tell me he actually believe i'm gonna own this 1 year later..??!?!
and we will walk till the end 1:22 AM
